What not to do at the Benefits office...

The Job Centre is possibly one of life's most depressing places. You walk into this dingy, dirty, luminous green building through a fuge of unemployed, dirty smokers. You then report here, to be sent there, to then sit and wait until someone who I am definitely better educated than calls you forward for the most patronising 30 minutes of your life.

As I sit waiting, I look and see Random Man and Random Woman, both in their joggers, tucked into their socks and checked shirts and puffa jackets. I have to hold back the urge to shout "This is essentially a job interview, dress better," as I sit there in my suit, freshly straightened hair and notebook containing all essential documents.

Eventually, after some time spent staring desperately around this hole of disappointment, I am called forward by a chippy gentleman named Chris. Chris seems to target his particular pitch at the most stupid, least driven. He was just awful and patronising. I shouted. Do not shout at the Job centre man. He will look at you funny yet will continue with his epically patronising JSA approach. I hate Chris. Chris is the most awful part about being unemployed. What did not help this whole situation was Chris' long monologue about what the world has come to when lawyers are signing on for Job Seekers' Allowance. 

The only upside to my shouting was that he sped up every so slightly and I managed to escape after 35 minutes rather than 45. Small compensation!

Roger la Borde, I love you...

Your cards are so beautiful

Achieving little things...

So, I am another week into unemployment, and how is it going? Well, I don't have a job and I completely looped out at church last night with panic but, ya know, could be worse!

Last week, I wrote a list of resolutions/things to do and looking at it, it has been reasonably achieved...

1. Finish unpacking - DONE! Well almost done. I have a bag of all my DVDs/CDs and nowhere to store them so said bag is neatly placed under a coffee table in the livingroom.

2. Apply for 5 jobs - DONE! Pah, 5 jobs? 25 jobs more like! Already been rejected but surely such volume means I will get one eventually.

3. Update my LinkedIn profile - Doneish. I have started to update it but it is still a work in progress.

4. Buy and build a bookcase to house my 130 odd books - Not done but alternative achieved. I had a complete bookcase fail and have instead unpacked my books into a little cupboard in my room. It is effective if completely lacking on alphabetising!

5. Stop falling in love with boy who has a girlfriend: Completely not done. Completely disasterously failed! Must try harder!

I am now considering the list for this week. At least unpacking will be off the list, at last! I think this week's list will look a little bit like this:

1. Apply for some more jobs.

2. Finish updating LinkedIn Profile.

3. Do some more soicalising

4. Get back to exercising

5. Accept that you are in love with boy with girlfriend and move on!

The first three are completely achievable. Firstly, I am a job applying fiend and I can certainly apply that sort of action to getting the bloody LinkedIn Profile sorted. Socialising is already in hand, thanks to joining church music group and generally putting myself out there and arranging meeting up with people. Already had breakfast with one friend this morning and have another for coffee this afternoon. Exercising, well that presents a bit more of a challenge. Pre-Christmas/New Year ill health, I was a gym fiend...then I was barred. **FAIL** Need to get my motivation back up and balance that with not passing out.

THe last one poses the greatest challenge. To quote one of my dearest friends - "WISE UP, MIN!" Time to pull myself together!

A random thursday...

After starting the week behaving in the manner of local crazy girl, things are getting better. I have chilled out A LOT and today has been quite the enjoyable day. A bit of a lie in watching some Gossip Girl with a bowl of coco pops kicked things off quite nicely. I love Gossip Girl. I know that, at 27, I probably shouldn't, but it is funny and silly and full of beautiful. What is there not to love? Agter that I got up, showered and dressed and headed into town. First stop was Boots and I picked up some super bargainous birthday presents in the 75% off sale! After that I headed to Primark to buy socks. Man, my life is far, far too cool. The town was soooo busy! Do these people not have jobs to go to?!

Today, I also finally finished moving my stuff out of my old house. It has taken weeks but finally, after picking up a mixing bowl, a pack of birthday cards and a photo frame, I am done! Thank god! Don't get me wrong, I am sad that things have gone the way they have but I hate moving, I just hate it! I have so much stuff - thousands of coats and books that had to be negotiated down and down some stairs, into Mr Corsa, back out again, up some more stairs and finally unpacked. To add insult to injury, this is the third house move in just 10 months and sadly this is my least nice house so far : (

Anyway, after the moving, I dropped by Tesco to buy some bits and pieces and then ran the rest of the way home. Yes, that is right, I ran. Thank you, crazy Scottish weather, for the snow-pouring rain-howling ind storm that exploded from the sky and left me a soggy shell of my former self by the time I got home. Now, I have lived in Scotland my entire life, including nearly EIGHT YEARS in Aberdeen but still the crazy-freak weather takes me by surprise. I mean, I will never forget the Thunder-snow-rain-storm that struck one morning in my secund year of University that even knocked the local radio off air for an hour. I was quite sure that this was a sign that the apocalypse was upon us.

Luckily, today, I didn't have too far to run and made it home alive. After some tasty Parma ham salad, it was cake baking time - some wheat free banana and chocolate chip muffins to be exact! Tasty to the max. That being said, there is flour EVERYWHERE in my kitchen. My god, I am a messy baker.

The rest of the afternoon has been spent applying for jobs and watching youtube videos. No new favourites today but lots of jobs applied for. I have definitely sot beyond my "Apply for 5 jobs" part of my post, New week, New list... Feeling rather productive.

And best of all? Not even close to losing my mind. Oh yes, my friends, I have clawed it back and I'm closer to pretty, chatty girl rather than unspooling, looney tune girl! Yay!

Music is my first love...

I LOVE THIS SONG! Emeli Sande gives me the shivers and the words could not be more beautiful. I heard it on the radio for the first time yesterday and thought "Oh my god, this song was written for me." I hope you love it as much as I do.

The time has come...

I have just submitted my Jobseekers Allowance claim. Well now I feel rubbish. I know it is the sensible and clever thing to do. It establishes a tax record and all that nonsense but it is no fun. Clicking through all the pages makes me realise how far I have fallen from my fancy lawyer tree. No longer living at a nice address, saving virtually depleted, last job not a legal job, back to being single...oh the middleclassgirl problems are mind blowing!

After spending the last couple of days completely unspooling all over the floor at the state of my life, which I understand that in the grand scheme of things are not so bad, I need to get a grip and decide what I want from my life. First step is being sensible with money which is something I have never been. Don't get me wrong, rent and such has always been paid but I would quite like to go on holiday at some stage and maybe own a house so a more sensible approach is required. Beyond that, I need to think about what I want and probably more importantly, who I am...

Tumbling off the sanity train...

Up until today, I had forgotten that unemployment came hand in hand with boredom and loneliness. This is obviously being compounded at the moment by the recent boyfriend break-up, flat mate being on holiday and, of course, the recent tumble off the sanity train towards a ditch of heart ache caused by falling in love with a boy with a girlfriend!

I love holidays and doing fun things when I am not working but enforced "holidays" cripple me! There is only so many trips to the gym a girl... 

I need some more pals or fun things to do, else my mind will explode.

New week, new list...

I haven't made any New Year Resolutions this year. They are rubbish and always vague and NEVER achieved. Instead I have been making weekly lists of things to do. Some things are tasks that get ticked off by the end of the week, others transferred from list to list to try and encourage me to address a particular thing I keep doing that I should maybe stop!

So, here we go - Things to do this week

1. Finish unpacking (I moved house last week and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!)

2. Apply for 5 jobs.

3. Update my LinkedIn profile.

4. Buy and build a bookcase to house my 130 odd books.

5. Stop falling in love with boy who has a girlfriend (I get the feeling this one is going to be appearing on many a list!)

Wish me luck!

Have I lost my point?

Just back from church which involved a much more insightful sermon than normal. Sermons can go either way - mind blowingly rubbish with no sense of what the priest is talking about at all or something short but leaves you thinking well after the service ends.

Today was thankfully one of the latter sermons. Essentially the question asked throughout the sermon was "What is your point? What is your purpose?" The priest continued on about God giving direction and purpose and guiding us through our lives, and that half of the world's ills could be assigned to a lack of "point."

I have been left thinking about this all evening and I can't help thinking that this is entirely applicable to everyone's lives whether you believe in some greater power or not. Life needs direction; what are we here to do? It is also worth thinking that point and purpose are not always things that you get to decide yourself. I am fairly certain that when my parents got married, they did not consider their lives' purpose to be a full time carer for one of my brothers, but then that is their life and, wow, they do it well.

Now the question that has been burning a hole in my head all night is not quite "what is my point," but rather "what happens when you lose your point?" I have wanted to be a lawyer for longer than I haven't. Since the start of secondary school (12 years old!) that is all I have ever aimed for (along with passing some piano exams and getting to meet Westlife.) I studied hard, I picked subjects that would help in my university applications. In fact, from the point where I decided I wanted to be a lawyer to the point where I qualified, a ridiculous 14 years passed! At that point I actually got to be a lawyer and I loved it! Some serious hard work but this was what I was meant to be. Sadly I only got to be that for less than two years before my contract ran out and the job market essentially disappeared.

I feel lost. Who am I? I am many things - a sister, a daughter, a friend, a god mother, a singer, a runner...but the first thing I feel I am is a lawyer. But that is gone now. My point is gone and I am not sure what to do next. Should I keep going trying to be a lawyer and hope that eventually someone will realise that I will be excellent. Or should I find a new point? Or should I let God be my guide? 

I struggle with the whole "Let God be my guide" thing at times. It feels very Jiminy Cricket and Pinocchio and not at all compatible with the amount of work I have done to get here.

Do I need a new point? I think I will be stuck on this question for a while...

Dear Sir...

I am experiencing a dilemma in my job hunting. The covering letter - what should this contain? There are a variety of schools of thought on this matter. My dad, well he thinks this needs to be extensive and specific to the job you are applying for, highlighting the most relevant parts of your CV. So, for example, if one were applying to work as a clown it would go something like:

"Dear Sir, please find attached my CV in application for said position. I have excellent juggling skills and am mad for pulling scarves out my sleeves."

After doing some reading, another school suggests that a covering letter is simply an introduction and your CV should do all the talking. That one might go a bit like:

"Dear Sir, I write in application for said position. Please find attached a copy of my CV and I look forward to hearing from you."

At the moment, I am floundering somewhere in the middle. I have just typed a covering letter that essentially says:

 "Please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot."

I know that this is not exactly appropriate when applying for any job, nevermind one as a lawyer but it does somewhat show up my problem. How can I write a covering letter without sounding desperate and entirely full of my own self importance. Being Scottish, I struggle rather a lot of all this writing about how excellent I am. In any event, are covering letters that important. Do employers actually care that "your colleagues consider you be trust worthy and efficient"  or whether you "have a keen understanding of the workings of the Scottish legal system" or, as I am currently starting to suspect, do they really not care.

Unless I am persuaded otherwise, "please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot" seems pretty good for now!

Living in a beautiful city...

Oh, Edinburgh, your beauty makes me happy. A castle, a palace, a parliament and a volcano (extinct, obviously!) all in the space of about a mile.

I think I have forgotten how to read...

It has become clear to me that after more than three months not working as a lawyer (crappy temp job for part of that time) I have forgotten how to read, write and reason as a lawyer. Frankly after last night's performance, I am fairly certain that actually I have forgotten how to do all those things to the level of a low functioning normal person. 


Last night I decided to be all super clever and read up on the legalities of the SNP calling for a referendum on Independence. Big mistake. An hour and 4 pages into a consultation paper on the matter issued by the UK Government, I was stumped. That's right - worked hard at school, spent 5 years at university, too many years training and then a year and a half actually practicing as a lawyer and all that work gone with just three months out of the loop. To say I am upset by this particular turn of events is an understatement to the extreme. It would seem something else needs to be added to my list of Job Hunting resolutions - Learn to be clever again. 


Embarrassed, much?

Third time unlucky...

Third time... This is the third time in my short post-university life that I have been unemployed. Ridiculous! The Typhoid Mary of the employment world! To say this recession is going to cause me to lose my mind is a bloody understatement. So, the job hunting starts again. Not that there is a huge point as I am altogether certain that every law firm in Scotland has my cv and associated 'please please please give me a job' covering letter but I may as well bash on. Plan for my first day of job hunting? Gossip Girl season 4. Yes, I know what you thinking, this is not going to fins you a job. I understand this but cleaning and escapism on day one gets all the crazy girl procrastination out of the way. In any event, job hunting/unemployment is all kinds of boring and soul sucky. So my new unemployment resolution is to apply for jobs and do free and fun stuff in equal measure! Tomorrow? Photography!