The time has come...

I have just submitted my Jobseekers Allowance claim. Well now I feel rubbish. I know it is the sensible and clever thing to do. It establishes a tax record and all that nonsense but it is no fun. Clicking through all the pages makes me realise how far I have fallen from my fancy lawyer tree. No longer living at a nice address, saving virtually depleted, last job not a legal job, back to being single...oh the middleclassgirl problems are mind blowing!

After spending the last couple of days completely unspooling all over the floor at the state of my life, which I understand that in the grand scheme of things are not so bad, I need to get a grip and decide what I want from my life. First step is being sensible with money which is something I have never been. Don't get me wrong, rent and such has always been paid but I would quite like to go on holiday at some stage and maybe own a house so a more sensible approach is required. Beyond that, I need to think about what I want and probably more importantly, who I am...

New week, new list...

I haven't made any New Year Resolutions this year. They are rubbish and always vague and NEVER achieved. Instead I have been making weekly lists of things to do. Some things are tasks that get ticked off by the end of the week, others transferred from list to list to try and encourage me to address a particular thing I keep doing that I should maybe stop!

So, here we go - Things to do this week

1. Finish unpacking (I moved house last week and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!)

2. Apply for 5 jobs.

3. Update my LinkedIn profile.

4. Buy and build a bookcase to house my 130 odd books.

5. Stop falling in love with boy who has a girlfriend (I get the feeling this one is going to be appearing on many a list!)

Wish me luck!

Have I lost my point?

Just back from church which involved a much more insightful sermon than normal. Sermons can go either way - mind blowingly rubbish with no sense of what the priest is talking about at all or something short but leaves you thinking well after the service ends.

Today was thankfully one of the latter sermons. Essentially the question asked throughout the sermon was "What is your point? What is your purpose?" The priest continued on about God giving direction and purpose and guiding us through our lives, and that half of the world's ills could be assigned to a lack of "point."

I have been left thinking about this all evening and I can't help thinking that this is entirely applicable to everyone's lives whether you believe in some greater power or not. Life needs direction; what are we here to do? It is also worth thinking that point and purpose are not always things that you get to decide yourself. I am fairly certain that when my parents got married, they did not consider their lives' purpose to be a full time carer for one of my brothers, but then that is their life and, wow, they do it well.

Now the question that has been burning a hole in my head all night is not quite "what is my point," but rather "what happens when you lose your point?" I have wanted to be a lawyer for longer than I haven't. Since the start of secondary school (12 years old!) that is all I have ever aimed for (along with passing some piano exams and getting to meet Westlife.) I studied hard, I picked subjects that would help in my university applications. In fact, from the point where I decided I wanted to be a lawyer to the point where I qualified, a ridiculous 14 years passed! At that point I actually got to be a lawyer and I loved it! Some serious hard work but this was what I was meant to be. Sadly I only got to be that for less than two years before my contract ran out and the job market essentially disappeared.

I feel lost. Who am I? I am many things - a sister, a daughter, a friend, a god mother, a singer, a runner...but the first thing I feel I am is a lawyer. But that is gone now. My point is gone and I am not sure what to do next. Should I keep going trying to be a lawyer and hope that eventually someone will realise that I will be excellent. Or should I find a new point? Or should I let God be my guide? 

I struggle with the whole "Let God be my guide" thing at times. It feels very Jiminy Cricket and Pinocchio and not at all compatible with the amount of work I have done to get here.

Do I need a new point? I think I will be stuck on this question for a while...

Dear Sir...

I am experiencing a dilemma in my job hunting. The covering letter - what should this contain? There are a variety of schools of thought on this matter. My dad, well he thinks this needs to be extensive and specific to the job you are applying for, highlighting the most relevant parts of your CV. So, for example, if one were applying to work as a clown it would go something like:

"Dear Sir, please find attached my CV in application for said position. I have excellent juggling skills and am mad for pulling scarves out my sleeves."

After doing some reading, another school suggests that a covering letter is simply an introduction and your CV should do all the talking. That one might go a bit like:

"Dear Sir, I write in application for said position. Please find attached a copy of my CV and I look forward to hearing from you."

At the moment, I am floundering somewhere in the middle. I have just typed a covering letter that essentially says:

 "Please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot."

I know that this is not exactly appropriate when applying for any job, nevermind one as a lawyer but it does somewhat show up my problem. How can I write a covering letter without sounding desperate and entirely full of my own self importance. Being Scottish, I struggle rather a lot of all this writing about how excellent I am. In any event, are covering letters that important. Do employers actually care that "your colleagues consider you be trust worthy and efficient"  or whether you "have a keen understanding of the workings of the Scottish legal system" or, as I am currently starting to suspect, do they really not care.

Unless I am persuaded otherwise, "please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot" seems pretty good for now!

I think I have forgotten how to read...

It has become clear to me that after more than three months not working as a lawyer (crappy temp job for part of that time) I have forgotten how to read, write and reason as a lawyer. Frankly after last night's performance, I am fairly certain that actually I have forgotten how to do all those things to the level of a low functioning normal person. 


Last night I decided to be all super clever and read up on the legalities of the SNP calling for a referendum on Independence. Big mistake. An hour and 4 pages into a consultation paper on the matter issued by the UK Government, I was stumped. That's right - worked hard at school, spent 5 years at university, too many years training and then a year and a half actually practicing as a lawyer and all that work gone with just three months out of the loop. To say I am upset by this particular turn of events is an understatement to the extreme. It would seem something else needs to be added to my list of Job Hunting resolutions - Learn to be clever again. 


Embarrassed, much?

Third time unlucky...

Third time... This is the third time in my short post-university life that I have been unemployed. Ridiculous! The Typhoid Mary of the employment world! To say this recession is going to cause me to lose my mind is a bloody understatement. So, the job hunting starts again. Not that there is a huge point as I am altogether certain that every law firm in Scotland has my cv and associated 'please please please give me a job' covering letter but I may as well bash on. Plan for my first day of job hunting? Gossip Girl season 4. Yes, I know what you thinking, this is not going to fins you a job. I understand this but cleaning and escapism on day one gets all the crazy girl procrastination out of the way. In any event, job hunting/unemployment is all kinds of boring and soul sucky. So my new unemployment resolution is to apply for jobs and do free and fun stuff in equal measure! Tomorrow? Photography!