What not to do at the Benefits office...

The Job Centre is possibly one of life's most depressing places. You walk into this dingy, dirty, luminous green building through a fuge of unemployed, dirty smokers. You then report here, to be sent there, to then sit and wait until someone who I am definitely better educated than calls you forward for the most patronising 30 minutes of your life.

As I sit waiting, I look and see Random Man and Random Woman, both in their joggers, tucked into their socks and checked shirts and puffa jackets. I have to hold back the urge to shout "This is essentially a job interview, dress better," as I sit there in my suit, freshly straightened hair and notebook containing all essential documents.

Eventually, after some time spent staring desperately around this hole of disappointment, I am called forward by a chippy gentleman named Chris. Chris seems to target his particular pitch at the most stupid, least driven. He was just awful and patronising. I shouted. Do not shout at the Job centre man. He will look at you funny yet will continue with his epically patronising JSA approach. I hate Chris. Chris is the most awful part about being unemployed. What did not help this whole situation was Chris' long monologue about what the world has come to when lawyers are signing on for Job Seekers' Allowance. 

The only upside to my shouting was that he sped up every so slightly and I managed to escape after 35 minutes rather than 45. Small compensation!

A random thursday...

After starting the week behaving in the manner of local crazy girl, things are getting better. I have chilled out A LOT and today has been quite the enjoyable day. A bit of a lie in watching some Gossip Girl with a bowl of coco pops kicked things off quite nicely. I love Gossip Girl. I know that, at 27, I probably shouldn't, but it is funny and silly and full of beautiful. What is there not to love? Agter that I got up, showered and dressed and headed into town. First stop was Boots and I picked up some super bargainous birthday presents in the 75% off sale! After that I headed to Primark to buy socks. Man, my life is far, far too cool. The town was soooo busy! Do these people not have jobs to go to?!

Today, I also finally finished moving my stuff out of my old house. It has taken weeks but finally, after picking up a mixing bowl, a pack of birthday cards and a photo frame, I am done! Thank god! Don't get me wrong, I am sad that things have gone the way they have but I hate moving, I just hate it! I have so much stuff - thousands of coats and books that had to be negotiated down and down some stairs, into Mr Corsa, back out again, up some more stairs and finally unpacked. To add insult to injury, this is the third house move in just 10 months and sadly this is my least nice house so far : (

Anyway, after the moving, I dropped by Tesco to buy some bits and pieces and then ran the rest of the way home. Yes, that is right, I ran. Thank you, crazy Scottish weather, for the snow-pouring rain-howling ind storm that exploded from the sky and left me a soggy shell of my former self by the time I got home. Now, I have lived in Scotland my entire life, including nearly EIGHT YEARS in Aberdeen but still the crazy-freak weather takes me by surprise. I mean, I will never forget the Thunder-snow-rain-storm that struck one morning in my secund year of University that even knocked the local radio off air for an hour. I was quite sure that this was a sign that the apocalypse was upon us.

Luckily, today, I didn't have too far to run and made it home alive. After some tasty Parma ham salad, it was cake baking time - some wheat free banana and chocolate chip muffins to be exact! Tasty to the max. That being said, there is flour EVERYWHERE in my kitchen. My god, I am a messy baker.

The rest of the afternoon has been spent applying for jobs and watching youtube videos. No new favourites today but lots of jobs applied for. I have definitely sot beyond my "Apply for 5 jobs" part of my post, New week, New list... Feeling rather productive.

And best of all? Not even close to losing my mind. Oh yes, my friends, I have clawed it back and I'm closer to pretty, chatty girl rather than unspooling, looney tune girl! Yay!

New week, new list...

I haven't made any New Year Resolutions this year. They are rubbish and always vague and NEVER achieved. Instead I have been making weekly lists of things to do. Some things are tasks that get ticked off by the end of the week, others transferred from list to list to try and encourage me to address a particular thing I keep doing that I should maybe stop!

So, here we go - Things to do this week

1. Finish unpacking (I moved house last week and there is stuff EVERYWHERE!)

2. Apply for 5 jobs.

3. Update my LinkedIn profile.

4. Buy and build a bookcase to house my 130 odd books.

5. Stop falling in love with boy who has a girlfriend (I get the feeling this one is going to be appearing on many a list!)

Wish me luck!

Have I lost my point?

Just back from church which involved a much more insightful sermon than normal. Sermons can go either way - mind blowingly rubbish with no sense of what the priest is talking about at all or something short but leaves you thinking well after the service ends.

Today was thankfully one of the latter sermons. Essentially the question asked throughout the sermon was "What is your point? What is your purpose?" The priest continued on about God giving direction and purpose and guiding us through our lives, and that half of the world's ills could be assigned to a lack of "point."

I have been left thinking about this all evening and I can't help thinking that this is entirely applicable to everyone's lives whether you believe in some greater power or not. Life needs direction; what are we here to do? It is also worth thinking that point and purpose are not always things that you get to decide yourself. I am fairly certain that when my parents got married, they did not consider their lives' purpose to be a full time carer for one of my brothers, but then that is their life and, wow, they do it well.

Now the question that has been burning a hole in my head all night is not quite "what is my point," but rather "what happens when you lose your point?" I have wanted to be a lawyer for longer than I haven't. Since the start of secondary school (12 years old!) that is all I have ever aimed for (along with passing some piano exams and getting to meet Westlife.) I studied hard, I picked subjects that would help in my university applications. In fact, from the point where I decided I wanted to be a lawyer to the point where I qualified, a ridiculous 14 years passed! At that point I actually got to be a lawyer and I loved it! Some serious hard work but this was what I was meant to be. Sadly I only got to be that for less than two years before my contract ran out and the job market essentially disappeared.

I feel lost. Who am I? I am many things - a sister, a daughter, a friend, a god mother, a singer, a runner...but the first thing I feel I am is a lawyer. But that is gone now. My point is gone and I am not sure what to do next. Should I keep going trying to be a lawyer and hope that eventually someone will realise that I will be excellent. Or should I find a new point? Or should I let God be my guide? 

I struggle with the whole "Let God be my guide" thing at times. It feels very Jiminy Cricket and Pinocchio and not at all compatible with the amount of work I have done to get here.

Do I need a new point? I think I will be stuck on this question for a while...

Dear Sir...

I am experiencing a dilemma in my job hunting. The covering letter - what should this contain? There are a variety of schools of thought on this matter. My dad, well he thinks this needs to be extensive and specific to the job you are applying for, highlighting the most relevant parts of your CV. So, for example, if one were applying to work as a clown it would go something like:

"Dear Sir, please find attached my CV in application for said position. I have excellent juggling skills and am mad for pulling scarves out my sleeves."

After doing some reading, another school suggests that a covering letter is simply an introduction and your CV should do all the talking. That one might go a bit like:

"Dear Sir, I write in application for said position. Please find attached a copy of my CV and I look forward to hearing from you."

At the moment, I am floundering somewhere in the middle. I have just typed a covering letter that essentially says:

 "Please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot."

I know that this is not exactly appropriate when applying for any job, nevermind one as a lawyer but it does somewhat show up my problem. How can I write a covering letter without sounding desperate and entirely full of my own self importance. Being Scottish, I struggle rather a lot of all this writing about how excellent I am. In any event, are covering letters that important. Do employers actually care that "your colleagues consider you be trust worthy and efficient"  or whether you "have a keen understanding of the workings of the Scottish legal system" or, as I am currently starting to suspect, do they really not care.

Unless I am persuaded otherwise, "please please please give me a job, I promise I am not an idiot" seems pretty good for now!

Living in a beautiful city...

Oh, Edinburgh, your beauty makes me happy. A castle, a palace, a parliament and a volcano (extinct, obviously!) all in the space of about a mile.